Thursday, October 13, 2005

I HAVE A VISION

for the aged in our society:

They would all get up to meet at the world's largest Denny's. Everyone over 65 would get a free meal, and anyone under 65 would not be admitted. The menu would be tea, with hot toast and jam. Maybe a few of them would gum down some egg whites, no yolks (have to mind the chloresterol). Since no one under 65 is allowed, the noise level would be down. Damned kids always making a din, anyway.

After that, all the grey panthers would be bussed to North California, to the beach. In the comically old-school garb of the 30's beach combers, they would walk hand in hand as the mid-morning sun played acrossed the gentle waves. Some of them, with the power of speech still available, would remark at how "lovely, just lovely" the morning was. They would marvel at how a young man like me could be so thoughtful.

Guides would take them up the cliffs, to get a better view of the waterline, and perhaps take a nice nap. They would crowd the cliff edge to get the best view. "My eyes aren't what they used to be, you know" would be uttered in unison. Just as the vista became almost too beautiful to take, I would order the guides to

PUSH THEM THE FUCK OFF!

Seriously, they wouldn't be so bad if they would just stay in their homes like the pack of feebs they are, goddammit! But no, they have to drive in front of me all damned morning, trying as hard as they can to make me crash.

The first one wasn't so bad. She just turned on her turn signal and rode the white line for a good mile and a half before turning. Slowing down traffic, causing people to honk, and making sure no one can get around you on either side isn't a crime, it's just annoying.

Then, while I was dropping off my clients (four of them), some oldster in a city bus started honking at me. I mean, he was really giving there horn a good working over. Finally, after my guys were unloaded, I moved from in front of the building. He proceeded to drop off ONE GODDAMNED PERSON. C'mon, that much noise for one person? You couldn't have unloaded your precious passenger behind me? I had to hear the first movement of Beethoven's lost symphony played all over your horn? This guy should not be transporting people around town, clearly his decision making skills have left him.

And on the way back, I almost got into an accident. We were all plodding along in the usual morning traffic: bumper to bumper at 35 miles per hour through town. I was behind a Goliath SUV, with a soccer mom in it (totally a different post), when the oldest man still driving decided he wanted into our lane. No signal, no warning, and he wanted the spot between us. Of course, in the am traffic, you couldn't fit one of Pam Anderson's boobs between our vehicles, but somehow, without being able to see (he was squinting so fiercely I thought he may have been looking through he metal) he was going to get his delta 88 into the spot. So, because he was apparently unaware I was sharing the road, and more unaware of the law stating that two objects cannot share the same point in space, he just saddled right on in. I, of course, had to hit the brakes. HARD. That made the people in line behind me also hit the brakes, causing the driver directly to my rear to veer into the other lane (cutting off a motorist there), whiz passed me, honking and flipping ME off, and ruining my driving experience for the morning.

All this because someone doesn't have the balls to say these people are too old, too dangerous, and too annoying to share roads with us. Either take away their licenses, build a geriatric lane (with padding), or I will have to make the above dream a reality.

Someone please, think of the grandparents. Do the right thing.

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