Sunday, December 31, 2006

I wouldn't mess with this guy.

Yup. I did it.

Happy New Year!


Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Season's Greetings.

A belated merry christmas to all of you. Here's a quick update:

On Christmas Eve Eve we had some of our good friends over for a big feast. Carly cooked (I worked that day) cornish game hens, and the whole thing was a hit. I got to see some of the people I do not get to see often (Mike and Presh, Thane, Chad) and some of the people I can never see enough (Josh, Heather, Bishop).

But the real suprise was how REAL it all felt. I mean, I have real friends, true friends, but this felt special. We were entertaining our guests in OUR house. Nto some silly rental or half assed apartment, but the home we now own.

And it feels like I have roots here. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am home. Seven years in one town might do that to a fellow.

It has been a very merry christmas.


Sunday, December 17, 2006


OK, so by now we all know about Melo's "Stop Snitchin" cameo. But just a quick recap: the video sent the message that anyone who talked to the police would be killed. Great message for the kids, to be sure.

As soon as people figured out Carmelo Anthony was in that movie, he backpedaled, and said his appearance was a joke, and the video was not to be taken seriously. And then his friends came out and punked him, and said it WAS serious, and Anthony was an Uncle Tom.

And now, Melo has shown his mettle again. Last night, while playing the horrific New York Knicks, The Denver Nuggets started piling it on. It was late in the game, the Nuggets were up 20, and four of the five starters were still in the game. They were taking it to the Knicks team with fast break 360 dunks, steals, and showboating. Isaiah Thomas, one of the original Bad Boys, and now coach of the Knicks, quietly warned Melo that if he stayed in the game, it might be a good idea not to go into the painted area. In fact, it turns out it wasn't a good idea for ANY of the Nuggets to go down there.

On another fast break, a very hard foul was laid down on J.R. Smith by Mardy Collins. A fight ensued, as it probably should. Little Nate Robinson threw a few, and then it all calmed down.

Until Carmelo Anthony came strolling in. He sucker punched Collins, and then RAN AWAY. I am not even joking here, people. He threw a blind punch, then ran down court like a bitch.

Now, fighting on court is stupid. It hurts your team and shows you don't really care about the outcome of the season. Be a man, and know that you don't have to hit everyone who challenges you.

But if you ARE going to fight, be a friggin man! Don't blind side someone, then run away.

And, if you are supposed to be a tough guy, be a tough guy. If not, stay your weak ass on the bench, and hold your press conference after.



Monday, December 11, 2006


See what I did to his name there, clever, aren't I? I am implying that all his articles are the same.

Anyway, It seems I have gotten inside Same Smith's head. The day after I wrote the last article about him he wrote "Garnett Wouldn't Mind Playing Here". I was fuming. He was sticking it in my face that he could write all he wanted about Kevin Garnett, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Except dash off another angry email, part of which I share with you:

I just have to ask, in regards to this latest rewrite of the same article about
KG you have been writing for years:

Are you seriously getting paid for this?


He wrote back a simply, "yes."

And he's right. He is getting paid to rewrite the same article over and over. And I want that job.

But check out the link above and you will see signs he is weakening,

"There's still a chance, albeit not a strong one, that Kevin Garnett someday could be helping the Bulls win rather than pushing them to a loss, as he did here Saturday night."

Do you see that? He is second guessing himself. "albeit a small one" is not a sentence (fragmented) he would have written a year ago.


But it gets better, fans. His newest article, "Sonics' Mess Could Make Star Available" starts like this,

"It might be time to let the dream die, if not a heck of a lot of trade columns. But after watching Kevin Garnett and the Minnesota Timberwolves dismantle the Bulls on Saturday night at the United Center, even I'd have to wonder why the Timberwolves would trade Garnett to the Bulls, much less anywhere else."

HAHAHAHAHAHA. I Own you, Same Smith!

I have dashed off another email. We will see how far I can take this before it all comes crashing down into reality.


Saturday, December 09, 2006


What do these two things have in common?

I have written about this Chicago Sports writer before. You probably don't care much one way or the other, but I have grown tired of his countless articles linking Kevin Garnett with Chicago. He played High School ball there, man, get over it. I am sure there are twenty other teams that wish they had KG, and are trying to figure out how to trade for him EVERY SINGLE SEASON.

But he went too far this time, and I wrote him an email. I doubt he will have the Class of David Aldridge, and respond. I also don't think the tone of this one was as pleasant as the one to DA.


I know you probably get a lot of emails like this, but this time I just could not resist the urge to write you my thoughts on your latest "article".

For years you have been writing trade rumors about Kevin Garnett going to the Bulls. Every time there is even a whisper KG is unhappy, you go ahead and chug out the same article, and submit it to your editors. Editors who, I am sure, are just as sick as the rest of us of reading it.

But this time you have gone too far. Honestly, as a "journalist" you should have a little more integrity than to write:

"It has been speculated widely that Chicago, where Garnett finished his high school career, would be an ideal match for him."

To say that is has been speculated widely is only to imply you have a big mouth, as, to wit, you are one of but a handful of writers who even take such a trade seriously.

First you must assume Garnett actually wants out of Minnesota. Assuming that, you must also assume he wants to play for a contender. Then you must take the GIANT LEAP that he is dumb enough to think Chicago is that contender. Ben Wallace has not been himself as of late, and shows no signs of regaining the flair he had in Detroit. You have a team of young players who are, at best, inconsistent. And your only bright spot is a point guard who plays good in stretches. Now how is that different from any team Minnesota has given KG?

No, Sam Smith, your dreams of seeing Kevin Garnett in Bull's Red are just as foolish as the dreams of fans here in Minnesota that KG will get the support he needs to go all the way.

And you need to find a better outlet for your writing: this sctick is getting old.

Joshua Page***

Honestly, just don't quote yours own articles as wide speculation about something. I read A LOT of trade rumors, and I have only seen one other person entertain the idea of KG and the Bulls, and it was Sam Smith's rival, and I am almost certain is was a stab at him.

But Anyway, the good news may just be we are trying to get Allen Iverson to the Timberwolves. I have to think on that and decide if I like the trade.

More to come.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006


I know I have already spent a lot of this space talking about Kevin Garnett. I can also say, without a trace of sarcasm, I will spend a lot more of this space talking about Kevin Garnett. Today will be part of the latter category.

I have been back and forth on whether or not KG should leave Minnesota. Basically, the argument boils down to this: The Timberwolves have not done much to realistically build a championship team, and Garnett is a championship caliber player. Therefore, he deserves to be on a championship team.

As a fan that makes sense. We like the guy, and we want to see him succeed. And, since he cannot succeed with us, we just want to see him happy. We are the bad girlfriend, and he is the nice guy. If y ou like watching his game, than naturally you want to see his game flourish in a winning environment.

But as a realist, and a fan of sports in general, that argument doesn't hold any weight. It was the argument I held true until reading this article in the Philly Inquirer.

"...every week, some writer or blogger bleats about Garnett's plight and tries to figure out some way to team him up with Kobe Bryant, or the Bulls, or the Clippers, because he "deserves" a chance at a championship.

Oh, please.

Nobody's promised anything in life, or in sports.

Don't you think Ernie Banks wanted to play in just one World Series?

What would Sonny Jurgensen have done to suit up in a Super Bowl?

Garnett doesn't deserve a Finals berth any more than Mark Price's Cavaliers did, or Reggie Miller's Pacers, or Chris Webber's Kings. You go out, you take your shot, you see what happens. Price got taken out by Michael Jordan; Miller got taken out by... Michael Jordan, and Webber got taken out by some ridiculous officiating in Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference finals.

And still my heart said, "This guy DESERVES a championship." For the reasons David Aldridge enumerates in the article: KG is a future hall of famer, a pillar of the community, a hard worker, and a superstar.

SO WHAT. I get it now. I wrote Aldridge an email saying the above, and he wrote back, in part, this "I just disagree that anybody that we like should automatically get a chance at a championship. Titles are earned, not bestowed."

Titles are earned, not bestowed

That's it, in a nutshell. Garnett hasn't had a bad life, or even a bad career. He's not the first all star to not go all the way, and he won't be the last. Sports moments don't always happen to the people who "deserve" it, and life is not always "fair" in that storybook sort of way.

And the reality is, as DA points out, "one could argue that KG, if such a great player, should have been able to do more with the (admittedly paltry) supporting cast he's had over the years."

People can talk about parity in the league, and how hard it is for any one player to win, and the recent formula of superstar guard and superstar post player winning it all, but the bottom line is it's all bullshit. KG is good enough to get over the hump by himself, and he shows that all the time. He just hasn't done it in the big game, yet.

And that's not even a knock against KG. Barkely never won it all, and he is a hall of famer. T-Mac is a post season loser, but there are 20 or so GMs who would take him in a second.

The bigger picture might be that Kevin Garnett is better off in Minnesota. There is no guarantee that a move will net a ring. Plenty of players move around in hope of finding a contender, just to be watching the big game at home. KG would have to take quite a pay cut to play for a team with another superstar. And what then? They lose AND he gets paid less?

Better for him to bide his time, and hope for the right moves to be made, just like every other player on every other team that didn't win last year does.

And better for us to just sit back, shut up, and enjoy watching one of basketball's best.


Friday, December 01, 2006


is a funny instrument. I hesitate to use that word, "funny", as what has recently occurred, causing me to write the above, was not at all "funny", but rather a calculated, programmed response to certain stimuli, the reaction of which was a sudden and unexpected onslaught of memory prompting me to exclaim (to myself--in the shower)

"Pert Plus+ smells like Jamaica"

Let me, dear reader, elaborate. If not to entertain you with a small musing, to prove I am not insane. At least, insomuch as exclaiming the above to one's self, in the shower, alone, is insane.

First, the utterance was actually, at least in my head, punctuated with the small "++ found on the bottle. Second, it was caused by a series of events that, when put together, are altogether normal.

I did not bring my regular toiletries on my trip to Jamaica. Instead, I packed the little travel size bottles of everything I normally use. Now, that is not in my nature in any other regard. I must have packed, easily, twice as many clothes as I needed. I budgeted far more money than we used. But, for some reason unknown to my forebrain, I like to use the wee bottles of stuff, and leave my day-to-day bottles at home, safe should something happen to me mid-flight. Perhaps I just like the labels.

At any rate, I usually use Suave for Men. I like the scent, and it is not too expensive. I can also match all the bottles: Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, after shave, etc. However, Wal-Mart, the beacon of all things consumer, did not carry the travel size shampoo. So I switched, to Pert Plus+. No big deal, I thought.

And indeed, it wasn't, for the duration of the trip. The showers, such as they were, carried both hot and cold water through a tube, out a spigot, and pouring down to my head and body. They did not, I should point out, carry BOTH hot and cold at once. Rather, in exactly three second intervals, they alternated the two. I solved this problem by taking only cold showers, so as to combat both the heat of the day and the potentially harmful waves of scalding water which attacked the showerer every 1/20 of a minute.

And I explain this only to point out the familiarity I had with the shower. Sweat, salt water, pool usage, and frequent clothes changes (both for the above sweat and for the multiple dinners we took) caused me to use the showers an average of three times daily. And each time I showered I used my travel-sized Pert Plus+.

When the trip was over the Pert Plus+ was relegated to the travel tote carrying all the other small-sized accoutrement associated with travel. I had forgotten about it, and its smell, until this morning. When I ran out of Suave for Men, and was forced to rescue the small bottle from its nest in the third drawer of the bathroom bureau, and apply it to my hair. Once applied, the hot water (my shower works fine, thank you) activated the scent, which upon entering my nose caused my brain to trigger the olfactory sensors, linked (most accurately, I am told, of all the senses) to memory, in this case of my trip to Jamaica. Then, because my body is in control of me, and not the other way around as I pretend, my mouth decided to confirm for me the thoughts I possessed by exclaiming

"Pert Plus+ smells like Jamaica"