Monday, March 20, 2006
OFF MY CHEST
So it feels like I am having an asthma attack right now. Not so much in my chest, but in my head. I need to unload a couple things that have been bothering me, and what a place to do it.
The order will be from least troubling to HOLY SHIT THIS SUCKS.
The Timberwolves have lead at halftime the last ten games. Their record during that time? 3-7. Their record in games decided by 6 points or less? 8-18. This just means they are a young team, and they are rebuilding. Sure, I get that. But they have THE best power forward in the history of the league. Yeah, I said it. That alone was good enough to get them in the playoffs every year. Now, it is not. What makes anyone think it will be better next year, or the year after? How long do we wait for the talent to catch up with the league? How long are we "rebuilding"?
I am so sick of this town I could puke. NOTHING ever happens, and we do the same things over and over. But I am scared out of my wits to move. How silly is that. I am scared to go somewhere and struggle again, like we did when we first got on our own. I am scared I am moving just to get away, and not to get better. I am mostly scared because my mother was a chronic mover, and already I have lived on my own in three places.
OK, this is the big one. I just got done talking with my friend about the GA positions at the college I used to attend. The first three have been handed out for the year, and they are, by far, the worst I have ever seen.
One of the GAs has been a GA twice, for this college, and quit twice. She got a third chance. I cannot explain why, as she abruptly left both times before, blamed it on her inability to handle her own life, and was welcomed back.
The second, I worked with. My friend assures me she has changed, but when I worked with her, she had the worst work ethic I have ever seen. She was never on time, when she decided to show up, often did not call in when she was not going to show up, had very poor hygiene, did only half the job required her to do. It was pathetic, in short. She, too, is getting a teaching GA.
The third, though, really takes the cake. I worked with her, as well. We disagreed about everything concerned with teaching. She thought teachers should encourage students by only pointing out what they do well. I thought that was pure shit. It is fine to tell them what they are doing well, but you have to help them with the things they aren't. And, at the college level, you have to be frank about their abilities, and needs. If they are never going to make it, and the struggle is not worth the prize, you have a moral obligation to tell them you think that, and help them in whatever way they need it thereafter. But you do not baby them. College is the step to the real world, not an extension of highschool.
One day, we were discussing that, and she hit me with the classic, "If you were older, you wouldn't think that way at all." I blew my top at that. I have lived more life than most these idiots ever will, and it pisses me off that they think because they have managed not to get hit by a fucking bus for 30 more years, they know more than I do. And I told her that, and told her I would rather not take advice from an old never-was, who was trying to renew her life, on her third marriage, by coming to a public college for a worthless degree. She decided not to talk to me ever again. Even when we were grouped in classes, and it was required we speak. She would rather take the failure. Great qualities for a GA.
What do all these people have in common? They are all single, older than average, females with children. They are all on the second time around in college, and life, and have failed the first time. In the case of the first, they have failed repeatedly.
And why should I care? This was the school I graduated from, and the position I once wanted. I am bitter at not receiving it, because I was called a woman hater by a lesbian who sleeps with men. But mostly I am mad because they are devaluing my degree, my department, and my work experience. And they are managing to do this while saying they are breaking ground.
How can these people take the places of the future? These people, who have failed at everything they have ever done, get to go on teaching whil younger, brighter, more qualified people are left on the cutting room floor, for not thinking like the machine, for not being "right". The people who will oneday actually teach the next generation are not getting the chance to hone those skills in this arena.
What does it serve the students to have second time losers teaching them? What doe sit serve the students to have these people spewing forth the same thing the professors will tell them for four years? Where is the academic pursuit? Where is the post-secondary challenge? Where is the fucking standard of excellence?
And the one great thing I was a part of on campus is falling to these people. And it will never be great again, and I will never see it in its proper place.
Susan Hauser, you are to blame. You are surrounding yourself with people who only tow your line, people who do not think for themselves. You are remarding every little man, even those undeserving, to try to balance something that has already been balanced by society, and the world at large. You are tipping the scales against the people who will one day hold the scales. In short, you are doing nothing right, and nothing of value, and when you die, your life will pass without a mark.