Monday, April 24, 2006


Ok, folks, here's some car trivia: My car has three separate dummy lights, set to monitor various things in the car, and then warn me if the car is not meeting performance standards.

The first is the check engine light: We all have this one, and it tells us about emissions problems, o2 censor, gas regulation, and misfires (when flashing).
The second one is the Service engine light: I have to assume this is more serious. This one actually says you have to go in and get shit checked out. It covers the whole engine.
The third one is the Service Vehicle Light: What the fuck does this one do? It's on in my car.

So, I call Car-X: "Did you check the gas cap, the o2 sensor?" Nope, you lose, that's the check engine light. "Well, bring it in and we will check the codes"

OHHHHHH, the codes? That's right, these cars have a little brain that stores when something has gone wrong, to tell the tech what to do. The problem with that solution is I HAVE THAT COMPUTER, I CHECKED THE CODES, AND NOTHING HAS CODED ON THIS CAR!!!

Now, I call the local Chevy dealership. Talk to the certified service techs. "Did you check the gas..." Stop right there, paco, that's the check engine light: "Oh, which one is on in your car?" Service vehicle soon, "Oh, that could be anything, I won't know until I scan it" With what? "OBD II scanner" Like the one I just used, that came up with no codes? "Oh, then I don't know what's wrong"

So I call another, much larger Chevy dealership. Two techs agree it is for the scheduled maintenance. One thinks it might be drive control (like ABS, or stabilitrac) and another wonders when I changed my oil last. Since I just did, and my car has a separate light for that, I doubt that's it. The drive control should be followed with a flashing ABS, or stabilitrac light (yes, I have THOSE lights, too) but I don't get that. So is it scheduled maintenance? Didn't they get rid of those lights after they pissed a bunch of people off with them in the late eighties?

The last techs are calling the main Chevy office to find just that out. But here is your chance to know more than the Chevy people: You tell me what you think it is, when I get the answer from the main office, I will post it. The winner gets an exclusive, never before seen, prize sent to their actual USPS mailbox. No, it is not a bomb.


So, I just got off the phone with Chevy's customer support (they really did an awesome job) They told me what the light indicated, and what I should do as a result. Was it:

1) Oxygen Sensor problem
2) Anti-Lock Brake System malfunction
3) Parking light out
4) Nothing wrong
5) Bad/Blown Fuse
6) Driveline Control Module
7) Scheduled Maintenance
8) Security System Failure

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